hondarel

Subject:	And So It Begins
Time:	9:47 pm.
Mood:	pensive.

I begin my official duties tomorrow, alone, now that my predecessor has finally left for greener pastures. I wonder how I'll fare, but with God's grace, the next 10 months will pass in a twinkling of an eye.

Just contemplating how much has transpired over the past 2 months (when I last posted an entry here), I'm amazed at how quickly time passes us by, with major events briefly marked out as points in the time-line of our lives.

The 68/07 Commissioning Parade was a blast, bad footdrill notwithstanding. However, I can't say the same of the Commissioning Ball, which was alas, just another excuse for photo-whoring. Nevertheless, I'm glad that I've finally completed my training phase, which has lasted an arduous 10 months. With my new posting to Sembawang Airbase, there's so much to learn, so much to do and so many people to get to know. The shift I'm taking over seems pretty decent, save for a handful of problematic cases (most of whom are in detention already). I do hope I'll become a decent PC to them- I just hope they won't climb over my head and force me to take harsh measures, which I hate to do.

Anyhows, I just watched the MVs I posted in my last entry and I've become stuck on the song again. Here's another rendition, which ranks among my favourites :)

Comments: Read 8 or Add Your Own.

Subject:	Resolve
Time:	12:07 am.
Mood:	awake.

A new year is upon us again; too soon, me thinks.

That said, I'm glad 2007 with it's training-packed days are behind me. Not that I've finished my training, but at least the end's in sight. This past week was spent in a mad rush preparing for our upcoming exercise in Thailand, after which, it'll only be 7 weeks till I POP. I can barely wait.

Ever since I enlisted, NS has occupied nearly every moment of my life. It doesn't help that I've been faced with a slew of rather unfortunate events of late. Still, I'm thankful that I've come thus far being none the worse for wear, even after JCC. Thank God for His faithfulness.

I've learned much throughout the course of 2007; some rather painful lessons were much-needed wake-up calls that reminded me of Murphy's law, the inherent unfairness of life and how much it hurts when others misplace one's trust, among other things. I guess I've become more careful with what I say; it's times like these that I miss old friends- those I can speak to without having to filter my words. Friends like these understand you enough not to judge your speech, not to bear grudges when tempers fly, tolerate your idiosyncrasies and most importantly, stay friends despite all these shortcomings of ours.

Just as someone wiser than me once said, 'New friends are like silver, but old friends gold.'

Strife is inevitable when strong personalities gather, especially in a cohort of offi-, er, leaders-to-be. Warning: Such contentious environments often develop selfish, gossipy and calculative personalities, which is the direction I fear I am sliding towards. To quote Adrian Mole, 'it is all downhill from now.'

But thank God it's the New Year. *Clicks 'Refresh'* :D

(That's what I love about New Years. The perfect excuse to start anew. *grin*)

Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.

Subject:	Living for book outs!
Time:	8:51 am.
Mood:	cheerful.

Oops. It's been months since I last updated. So, this long overdue entry is to repay my guilt debt. Lol.

I'm so glad SEOC was cancelled because of the rain- I feel too lazy to even leave my chair. My schedule for these few weeks is pretty packed; coupled with having to adapt to the new environment immediately, it's no wonder I feel so drained.

Looking back tho', this week was rather fun, what with getting to learn lots of new stuff and going thru' our new equipment/stores. We had loads of crash courses to allow us to catch up with the rest of our batch mates. Thank God for understanding instructors and a decent wing. I'm in Bravo- in the same platoon as Dennis! It really helps having reliable friends around, especially in foreign environments.

I've an ASLC crossover (i.e. silver bayonet receipient) as a room-mate, which helps, 'cause we can both act blur together. =D There's just so much to learn over here, I can actually feel my brain working (if there's such a thing) to cope with the information overload. That said, I'm already counting down to the end of service term. 23km shouldn't be that tough, given that we've already done our 28km graduation march. (Like how platoon field camps will seem insignificant compared to JCC. Congrats to those who've survived JCC =D)

All NS stuff aside, it's really exciting that University term has started. Given that we army boys don't have much of a life, I've taken to thriving on the happening lives of civilian friends (i.e. those with pink ICs). Lol. But seriously, I'm looking forward to MAF (if I can make it out in time)- there'll be loads to catch up on! :)

14 more hours to book out!

Comments: Read 8 or Add Your Own.

Subject:	Posting Pending
Time:	6:30 pm.
Mood:	happy.

Urgh, this feels like PAE/JAE all over again.

So, BMT has come and gone, but as many have said- this is only the beginning of a longer journey. However, if BMT's any indication, I hope the coming months will prove to be fulfilling. I'm thankful that I've been able to adjust to army life pretty well- the accomodation, food, new friends and such. Looking back, BMT was more of a mental obstacle I had to learn to overcome; once that was done, life became much more bearable, at times even enjoyable. To my new friends- thank you for the times we had.

POP passed me in a blur; following that was my trip to Malacca. Loads of exploration, gorging, sleeping- you get the idea =P Now that I'm finally back on familiar ground with one whole week's break ahead of me, it's time to start catching up with long-lost pals.

@ Sua: I'll get back to you about our meet up soon :)

Till Friday, I'm freeeee! *whoops*

Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.

Subject:	Cepat Lari
Time:	4:11 pm.
Mood:	tired.

The past three days have been pretty exciting in camp, with a flurry of activities taking place as we rush to prepare to go outfield next week. Range was pretty fun while it lasted; i'm thankful i only had IA once, which i cleared pretty fast. Kudos to our commanders who drilled us well- their humorous comments made learning much more memorable and hence, effective :)

Well, i'll be needing all the rest i can get before the upcoming 3 week confinement. I hope all goes fine; will update as soon as i can. Till then!

Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:	Adjustments, cut!
Time:	2:27 pm.
Mood:	peaceful.

I'm finally out from my first two weeks of confinement- thank God things have been going pretty well. Hell has yet to break loose, but i'm really thankful for the allowance the army makes in giving us two weeks to adjust to a regimented lifestyle. Even better is this relatively long reprieve of four days before i book in again. I need to recharge before things start speeding up.

Well, i can hardly complain, given how many others are well into their training, which must be exponentially more difficult compared to what i'm experiencing now. Still, thanks for the many prayers and encouraging messages from many of you- they're much appreciated! This coming week is key in establishing the standard of discipline that is to follow for the rest of my course; hopefully i'll have a good report the next time i book out.

For now, i'm enjoying the break while it lasts. Spiderman 3 tomorrow! Whee :)

Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.

Subject:	Of boys and men
Time:	5:26 pm.
Mood:	tired.

It's amazing how time rushes by and now its my turn to enlist. Well, i count myself fortunate to have many friends who're enlisting on the same day and time as myself- at least i'll have some company. Better still, they're friends who stay around the same area as I do, which makes cabbing back from camp (if we're too tired) a feasible option. Heh.

That aside, many thanks to the friends who've showed their concern in little ways- thru notes and gifts or simple meet-ups over meals. You know who you all are :) Also, thanks to brethren who lend their support in other ways. Like Sean says, it is most assuring and comforting to know that someone out there is keeping you in prayer.

On the down side, i'm down with a slight fever from running about trying to tie up loose ends at work and meeting up with people everyday this past week. I pray it goes away soon, which reminds me, i should go grab some sleep while i still can.

I'll be back in a couple of weeks-hopefully in one piece. Till then!

Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.

Subject:	Palpable tension
Time:	10:52 am.
Mood:	nervous.

Well. The inevitable has finally arrived, so let's just hope for the best :)

I'm pretty nervous, as everyone else is; I just hope lunch with choir peeps later will do my wrecked nerves some good. Haha.

On another note, I wonder when I'll get to see everyone next. School's always this focal meeting point for friends and acquaintances, but having graduated, we no longer have this privileged access to such a network. That's a sobering thought.

Anyhow, I'm about to knock off from work; time to start preparing myself. Its been a long time since I've seen the army guys. Heh.

Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.

Subject:	01-2007
Time:	3:18 pm.
Mood:	rejuvenated.

After procrastinating for two weeks, I've finally mustered enough determination to make my first post of the year. I can't believe its mid-Jan already. I must've lost track of time in my mad rush to attend the countless meet-ups before half my social circle got lost to the Jan NS intake.

Well, a new year- a new start! I'm glad I've somewhat settled down to my new routine of working and slacking (that's the luxury afforded us by having to going in later). Working's a relatively new experience for me and I'm happy to say that in my attempt to take work seriously, I'm starting to enjoy teaching.

Whenever I tell others that I'm teaching music, one of the replies that follow will inevitably go something along the lines of "Wah, so you must earn tons of money la!". Unfortunately, that is not the case. Most of my students have been 'imported' from a community centre, so I've had to keep lesson rates low i.e. the same as that in community centres. But I'm not exactly complaining.

For one, it helps that I'm doing classes, so the more students I have in a class, the better- because my per hour earnings are compounded. Surprisingly, I find myself less concerned with making money than with helping my students progress. I found it quite disturbing that my students- most of whom have been taking lessons for a while now- can hardly identify notes (on the score and on the keyboard), let alone play decently. I simply cannot stand stagnation.

What is more worrying is that one of my piano students is less than enthusiastic about practicing his pieces, even though his exams are in approximately 7 months' time and he's barely mastered his first piece. It is however, most heartening to hear my mom proclaim, "Well, its most fortunate that he got you as his teacher, since you will be able to empathise with his plight, having been in similar situations before." Yeah right, I'm sure I'll be able to do something about it when he practices half an hour a week.

Oops. I shouldn't be bitching about my students so much, but perhaps its my way of releasing the stress that comes with teaching these people. I wonder how our teachers survived through all these years. Lol. Well, it feels good to be doing something in the least, and making a difference to others while at it. I guess I finally realised that when I ended up talking to my mom about the satisfaction we derive from teaching others and seeing them grow. I guess we learn something new about others everyday, even those close to us :)

On another note, I'm getting into the mood for another meet-up. ABC cousin and hyeong-je Sua! When you two are free after your driving lessons one day, perhaps we could meet up? Shao's coordinating, so tell her when you all are free, ya?

For now, I guess I'd better catch up on my reading. My theory's gone all rusty. Heh.

Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:	Seasons
Time:	1:30 pm.
Mood:	awake.

Its been ages since I last posted anything.

So, the A's have come and gone. People too, are starting to slip away. I can feel my social circle shrinking. But then again, all this is inevitable considering the looming 2-year withdrawal from society that all guys have to go through; people will gravitate towards individuals whom they value. Periods like these, when time becomes a scarce commodity, are highly revealing of- to put it bluntly- who really matters, and who matters less, I suppose. I too am guilty of such selective interaction.

Well, I was just thinking- yes, relationships are bi-directional, but if it lacks even a unidirectional flow, reciprocation is unlikely to happen. The relationship will inexorably collapse because both sides let it happen. As such, I feel highly disturbed when individuals attribute relationship failures solely to the inactivity of others' without considering the possibility of proactivity on their part- which has been happening quite often of late.

Still, I'm thankful for the few i've managed to establish comfortable relationships with over the years. Someone once likened friendship to electrons- edmund blogged about this before- where an equilibrium distance has to be established between friends, where attractive and repulsive forces equalise. I find that very true; perhaps it was that thought which helped me delineate the boundary between being close and being 'cling-y', better.

Enough ponderings for now. Here's a shameless plug for rioHC. The HC choir [along with the Alumni (Hwa Chong Voices), to which yours truly now belongs (I feel so old!) ] will be carolling at The Fullerton from 21-25 December at the following timings:

21-24 Dec 7.30pm-8pm
24 Dec 8.30pm-9pm
25 Dec 1.00pm-1.30pm

If you want to hear how we sound, or if you happen to be around the area, do pop by to listen, or to critise for that matter :)

The juniors have been most enthusiastic in their carolling endeavours this year. They covered Hougang Mall yesterday and they're doing Changi Airport tomorrow from 7-9pm.

For J2/3 choristers who haven't not been informed yet, a few of us will be going to hear the juniors carol tomorrow and send Sua off at the same time. Do come along if you can.

For now, let's enjoy this hap-hap-happiest season of the year! :)

Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.

Subject:	The Fates
Time:	2:07 am.
Mood:	confused.

I realise i live a life lacking in passion. The things i do lack direction, my actions lack energy and i find my words increasingly lacking in conviction. I honestly respect those who have their dreams and seek to realise them. I remember in Haruki Murakami's "Kafka On The Shore", he writes about a boy who seeks to escape a prophecy, but turns out fulfilling the destiny he sought to escape. Perhaps i hestitate too much, question too much, in the fear too that everything will end up all the same, either way. Its hard to delineate the reality we live in and the pre-destined lives that Christians supposedly lead.

I find it hard to reconcile the fact that our paths in life are all part of a divine plan, yet we supposedly have the autonomy to live our lives the way we want to, having the freedom of choice. If i decided to drop out of school one day, would that be part of the divine plan too? Apparently so. Even if i didn't, that would already have been planned too. I wouldn't doubt that this ongoing conflict in my mind is just another part of the "ineffable divine plan" to quote Aziraphale in Neil Gaiman's 'Good Omens'.

What a messed up life i lead. Back to the point about lacking passion- i realise i've been largely ambivalent to the future lying ahead of me. While i know where i'm headed, i can't dodge the feeling that i'm just following the heavenly scheme-of-work. I guess that's where my lack of commitment decides to make its entrance. Argh. I'll just ask Him when i get to heaven (if i do at all, given all my heresy). Till then, its just the A's for now. Mug on!

Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.

Subject:	Last Day Of School
Time:	1:33 pm.
Mood:	sad.

"Five hundred twenty five thousand, six hundred minutes. How do you measure the length of a year?" -Rent (The Musical)

Two years in Hwa Chong have come and gone; but it doesn't feel like two years. TIme has passed too quickly and its as if i've been left behind while time rushes on ahead. I'm stranded by the roadside, watching familiar figures recede into the distance. And suddenly, i'm all alone once again.

Today my Civics Tutor gave each of us a little autograph-book of quotes she compiled and printed herself (so sweet right?) and let us spend nearly the whole CT period writing autographs for each other. Watching the class fall silent as each of us penned our thanks and parting words to each other brought back a whole load of memories. Nostalgia aside, i realised i had so much to say to so many people, not least those who i've never really spoken much to. Its as if I wanted to make up for all the lost time, the lost words, the moments long past.

I guess i shall just content myself with happy memories of 05S74 and stop attempting to be cerebral. I'm turning incoherent already.

Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.

Subject:	Fleeting thoughts
Time:	9:15 pm.
Mood:	pensive.

I'm mid-way through prelims (as are many others) and i find myself being distracted by thoughts past, present and of the future. I guess such thoughts are inevitable, given that turning 18 (with all its associated liberties and responsibilities) places many of us at one of life's most major crossroads.

I'm glad that this week went by rather uneventfully, papers aside, because i'm hardly in the mood to think, yet when i was flipping through 'The Wake' (the last book in the Sandman series) by Neil Gaiman, i couldn't help but think about the issues the book raised.

"Dreams are hopes and echoes of hope."

I can hardly quantify dreams myself and they are an ever-present source of mystery to me, but i find myself nodding in agreement at these words. I think that dreams are reflections of our subconscious- as many before me have mentioned- hence the occasional fusing of real-life thoughts and emotions with the plots of our dreams. Dreams mirror us in ways that seem foreign, but with careful analysis, may sometimes lead us to discover more about ourselves. I've had my fair share of dreams that echo real-life concerns.

The whole abstract notion of dreams and what they represent always leave me deep in thought. When people use the phrase "dream on," do they actually realise their acknowledgement of dreams as representative of our hopes? Does the oft-quoted phrase "I have a dream" concede this too? I get lost in my thoughts at times like these.

On another note, i think exam stress is taking a toll on my people-relationships. Surprisingly though, i've managed to get to know quite a few people better during this period, albeit at the expense of others. Then again, i've found myself becoming more intolerant of the idiosyncracies of some of my friends. I especially dislike hypocrisy, that is not to say i am faultless in that area either. I'd appreciate frank feedback anytime, but don't waste time patronising others. I just hope this will blow over quickly. Friendships are volatile links indeed.

Then again, friends will always be friends (all other meanings implied). To find that one special someone- perhaps that'll take a lifetime. Or maybe that's just the stuff that dreams are made of.

Comments: Read 7 or Add Your Own.

Subject:	For the longest time
Time:	4:37 pm.

My piano exam is finally over! After the many events that prevented my sitting for the exam in the past 4 years, its finally over. While I won't know for sure till the results come out, this reprieve is a welcome relief. For now, i'm just hoping and praying for the best.

Thanks to the many who encouraged me and especially those who kept me in prayer. Your support was and still is very much appreciated. Keep praying for strength to accept the results, regardless of the outcome, since it'll be coming at the most inopportune period- during A's =X

On a lighter or more serious note, depending on how you see it, i think the end times are drawing very near.

I was just discussing the issue with my family and several friends, and we all agreed that in the past decade, the occurrence of numerous, successive cases of "pests and pestilences" and natural disasters in the world can no longer be ignored. Terrorism, the Pope's death and the recent Israeli strikes bear witness to increasing turmoil between and within religions and countries. The Lord's coming is hastening near- while we rejoice, are we ready yet? I for one, am not.

That aside, its -that- time of the year again. Happy Birthday, Singapore! :)

Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.

Time:

1:14 pm.

i just figured out one way to reduce the inhumane poaching of sharks for their fins. in case u didn't know, those sharks have their fins chopped off den they're dumped into the ocean to die a slow and painful death, immobile due to their lack of fins.

anyway the reason why they shark's thrown back into the ocean to die a slow death is because by keeping the shark on the boat, it can carry less sharks fin (which is a much more valuable commodity) so the shark is dumped so the boat is lighter to carry more sharks fin n thus earn more money.

so i figured one way to lower the incidences of this is to artificially raise the price of sharks meat. by doing so, the opportunity cost of carrying the shark back instead of dumping it back into the sea to die a slow death becomes lowered. there will be more incentive to carry the shark back, esp if there wont be a loss incurred by not choosing to carry sharks fin instead.

as a result, it will be more humane for the shark because it will be killed instead of being left to die a slow and painful death (which is really bad if you go read up). furthermore, by carrying more sharks instead of sharks fins, there will be less shark victims assuming the number of boats remain the same and level of technology is constant.

evaluating this method, one drawback is tt the shark meat price must be raised to an unrealistically high level for this effect to take place. such drastic artificial means are never desirable. moreover, as demand for sharks fin is always higher n supply further lowered, the price of sharks fin will probably also increase as a result. this results in a spiral in which the price of the fin rises even more, so the price of meat has to increase n so on, resulting in both prices being unrealistically sky high due to the spiral.

moreover, sharks fin are easier to transport n it's more convenient to stick to old methods, so this effect may not set in at all if fishermen choose to still retain their old method of keeping only the fins.

however, compared to other methods like subsidies or monetary incentives to not kill the shark, it's actually a more economic method and will affect on a worldwide basis more easily.

hmm such stuff aren't easy to solve huh...

~ning

Comments: Read 7 or Add Your Own.

Subject:	Catharsis
Time:	3:43 pm.
Mood:	optimistic.

Finally! Blocks are over! Woohoo!

But oddly enough, I don't feel a sense of release. Well, perhaps not the kind i've been expecting. But then again, looking at the schedule of things, its scary to think how my piano exam's just 1 month away, prelims are 2 months away and A's are 4 short, miserable months away. At this rate, if i were to study everyday, it'll work out to 1 month per subject, discounting GP. (What?!) Yes, i can't believe it either. 1 month to revise the whole of our A-level bio syllabus hardly seems sufficient (especially after *urgh* today's paper)

Ah well, but on a happier note (since i mentioned GP), my GP tutor is getting married this Saturday! At Wesley Methodist Church. How cool is that. My sister is attached to Wesley Methodist Counselling Centre, which is affiliated to the church. And it wasn't too long ago that Linx told me she attends Wesley Methodist occasionally. Hm, i'm beginning to rediscover how small the world actually is again :)

To those who still have papers, jiayou! To those who have been raptured from the painful reality of blocks, enjoy your holidays- i like to think we deserve them. *grins*

Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:	June
Time:	1:46 am.
Mood:	pensive.

Its the holidays, and today's the first day I'm spending at home. Says a lot about my revision progress huh. Urgh. We just have to keep sean-ing I guess. Oops, I mean mugging =P

Your Inner Blood Type is Type A

You seem cool and collected, though a bit shy.
You are highly driven and a perfectionist, but that's a side you keep to yourself.
Creative and artistic, you are a very unique person who doesn't quite fit in.
People accept you more than you realize, seeing you as trustworthy and loyal.

You are most compatible with: A and AB

Famous Type A's: Britney Spears and Hilter

What's Your Inner Blood Type?

Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.

Subject:	Aspiration: Voices In Flight
Time:	9:53 am.
Mood:	indescribable.

I can't believe it's been 2 days since our concert ended. I'm still denying the fact that it's all over, at long last. I'm still in disbelief. I'm still delusional. And all because I don't know what to do, what to feel.

Whenever I think about choir now, the -myriad- of emotions, memories and images that flood my mind leave me at a complete loss for words. I just don't know whether to laugh or cry.

I want to rejoice now that the burden of such an important event has been lifted from us all. I want to celebrate the success of our concert. Yet I cannot bear to come to terms with the fact that the concert was our first and last performance with our juniors. After so many months of practice with its ups and downs, all that we have worked for has finally come to pass. And the sense of aimlessness and helplessness that comes with that realisation, that xin1 suan1 de4 gan3 jue2, just makes me want to give everything, just to relive the experience.

I'm going to miss choir so much. The sectionals and combined sessions, the J1s (especially the Basses) and J2s, Ms Lim, HCV and more importantly, the time we all shared in each others' company. The laughter, the fun, the dreariness, the disappointment and the company of friends- I can't even begin to describe how much I'll miss them all. Besides, quantifying these emotions only diminishes the value of these emotions; suffice to say that I'll miss so many people.

Perhaps underlying this, is the worry that once out of the regular company of these dear individuals, our relationships will begin to degenerate, feelings lose their familiar warmth and intensity; each others' habits suddenly seem strange. Argh. I guess all I can do now is to seize the opportunity to hold fast the precious friendships I have, and have faith in the rest.

I really don't know what to feel, still.

Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.